Monday, April 12, 2010

Random Thoughts...

I am a blog stalker. There is a general theme in stay-at-home mom's blogs that have expressed in moments of frustration that it would be nice to go to work, to dress up, to eat out and to pay someone else to raise their kids. It would be less stressful - but overall, when they step back and reflect, they are enjoying being home raising their kids the way they want to.

I want to stay home - I want to be done being pregnant - I want that luxury that so many get to "enjoy".

I think staying home to raise kids is a lot of work and a totally different kind of work then the job kind. My work can be stressful and demanding and wake me up in the middle of the night too (seriously people, I don't care that you're sprinkler didn't come on and it is 3:30 am - but I'll pretend I do) but it's working for someone else and not really changing the world. I have never wanted to work at a traditional job for all of my life.

I have worked really hard, I put myself through college and a masters degree debt free, and I have had a job all year round since I was 16 (except while on a mission) - I am tired of traditional work and ready for a change. But it isn't going to happen - at least not at this point in my life - unless one of you would like to purchase our townhouse.

I have serious anxiety over putting our daughter in daycare. I have guilt about not being able to stay home full-time. I have the best possible work situation for having to work after she comes in terms of setting my own hours, having a flexible schedule, still making good money and keeping full benefits without working full-time - but I just don't want to do it. I don't even have a child yet and I feel like people are judging me because I will choose to go back to work.

The following rant is controversial and I am okay if you don't agree with me...but this is my blog so STOP reading if you want to. I currently HATE some government programs which provide assistance to people choosing to grow their families without the financial ability to be able to do so. I am talking about health care, medical insurance, food stamps, food assistance, getting more money back on tax returns then they pay into them, walking away from a house commitment, having a reduce mortgage because you chose to over finance for some cash out, etc. It might be because I am jealous that people can "afford" to stay home because they are receiving handouts...but it makes my angry.

I would love to just walk away from the commitment that we made to own a townhouse. I would love to say to the entire economy/neighbors/bank/etc - sorry we bought at the top of the market, sorry that the housing market sucks, you just deal with it because I don't want to - but there is no integrity in that. I am not saying that everyone who does those things is doing so with the before mentioned thoughts - but it happens.

I realize that many of you don't care about my rant or my frustrations or my guilt...but there it is...in all it's randomness.

9 comments:

p.e. said...

Sorry you are frustrated. If it makes you feel better, I agree. I'm all for good hard work to earn what you get and not get what you don't earn.

KJlovesBubba said...

Good rant . . . life never happens the way I expect either, there is a purpose for everything.

Deidre said...

I totally care. It isn't easy doing the right thing. And the daycare decision isn't easy either. Just know that you'll be blessed. Each family is different. Growing up I always had a (part-time) working Mom. Her skills from working as an English professor blessed my life and I turned out great. (You know in my opinion.) There is a time and a season and if you want to be home one day YOU WILL!

Venting appreciated...I LOVE REAL feelings even if they feel scary/controversial to admit. I'm an advocate of writing your way through things.

Dad said...

How much do you need for the townhouse? Just curious!

Linzy said...

I feel ya! If you ever need me to watch the little bundle of joy while you work, let me know. Jackson will be over a year, and Londyn will be in Preschool in the mornings.

長卉lisettec_buswell0606 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kwilter said...

Amen! I'm pretty sick of the government supplementation to those who choose to buy/do more than they can afford, too. That's all I'm going to say about that. Good luck! I can't imagine how hard it would be to leave your little one. But, my Mom worked full time my whole life and I turned out okay (for the most part)!

Miriam said...

I admire your commitment and your integrity. It does not sound like you have had easy decisions to make. Good luck!

jo said...

I think I'm the opposite of you, but we probably could have guessed that. I don't want to be a stay at home mom (when I have kids) and I definitely feel judged for having that desire. Funny how that works. I know you'll be a great mom regardless of your working situation and thats probably the most important thing.