Nana Gives a Bath

NICU Day 11 (Thursday, Oct 4):
Addison spent the night at Grandma and Papa's last night which freed up Nana to spend a day and night with my sister and her kids before she flies home on Saturday.  It also allowed Oliver to accompany me to my ultrasound appointment this morning.  The tech isn't allowed to divulge any information and having an ultrasound of my pancreas, gall bladder, both kidneys, liver, and stomach is far less interesting than having an ultrasound to have a baby.  She said that doctor would call after the radiologist reads the results in a day or two.  I imagine I won't hear anything until next week just because of how the weekend is going to fall.  I also imagine that no news is good news - and hopefully it turns out to be nothing.  The ultrasound was actually kind of painful because of the pain that I am in and the positions I had to lay in - but hopefully they captured what they needed.

As we were pulling in from our appointment, Oliver's mom was pulling in with my mom and Addison.  It worked out beautifully because my sister lives right by Oliver's parents and so his mom was happy to do the shuttling for us.  After a few minutes at home, getting dad off to work, and mom being able to eat breakfast after fasting for her ultrasound we were out the door again.  Anamarie volunteered to watch Addison for me in the morning so that my mom could come and spend a few hours in the NICU.  It has been wonderful because my mom has been so available to us so that Oliver and I can run to the NICU in a moments notice...but it has also meant that she isn't as free to just pop into the NICU to see Claire.  We coordinated with the nurses to allow us to bathe Claire during the day shift instead of the night shift and Oliver graciously gave up witness to one of her baths so that my mom could participate.     

After spending some good cuddle time with Claire, my mom and I went to pick up Addison, had lunch, and then everyone went down for a nap.  After nap we played and then we met up with Oliver at Buy Buy Baby to purchase a double stroller.  We have been testing strollers for the past 5 months, probably because we really hate the stroller we bought when we had Addison and so we wanted to be sure that we would LOVE our double stroller and actually use it!  We have taken the model out to our car to see how it fits and paced the aisles on several different occasions.  After testing Addison in the stroller one final time - we finally took the plunge!

Oliver then went back to work and Nana and Addison went home and I headed back to the NICU to spend my evening.  Oliver had to work VERY late because he took a week off work to have Claire and he was trying to catch up.  But he is also trying to get ahead so that he can take next week off work - which isn't the best timing because of the close - so he ended up working until past 11.  I fed Claire and then stayed between feedings and then fed her again.  In all the hours I have spent at the NICU today she has mostly slept - but of course - when I'm packing my things to head home a little after 11 she decides that she wants to be awake.  My nurse was covering three babies and the one to our left is going through drug withdrawl and having seizures and the one to our right had a failed head IV.  The NICU was in a state of commotion and I felt horrible putting Claire into her bed awake!
Here's the thing - Oliver and I believe in sleep training and think that it's very important to put your children to bed drowsy but awake so that they can learn to put themselves to sleep.  However, when we trained Addison to sleep - we knew that she had been stimulated throughout the day, talked to, played with, and moved about.  Claire is tethered to an IV that allows her less than 3 feet of travel and she has spent her entire 11 days of life living in three different rooms.  The only visual stimulus she gets is staring at beeping monitors and the plastic sides of her bed (that's a slight exaggeration because I had been at the NICU for more than 8 hours today - but it is how it feels).  The thought of lying her in her bed wide awake was distressing and I started to bawl.  I called Oliver to see what he thought I should do - and he felt that I should say her prayers with her and come home.  She and I prayed together and then I put her to bed, drowsy but awake, and bawled the entire way home.  I asked the Lord to comfort her and help her to not be lonely and then I walked out of the NICU feeling like a neglectful horrible parent.  Whether or not I did the right thing is a moment of the past and can't be changed - but I can't express how badly I would like this roller coaster to come to an end! 

I can't wait to bring Claire home and know that she has been talked to, played with, moved about, and visually stimulated.  Then I will feel much better about putting her in bed awake.